Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Nip & Tuck


When you're 40, gravity begins to take a toll on the old body. Irene is no exception. However, in true "can-do" fashion, I am going into battle with Father Time and have scheduled "the surgery."

After all, what woman doesn't desire a pair of plump, smooth, curvaceous, perky earlobes? A victim of the '80s, my earlobes were stretched to the max by some heavy-duty earrings that looked like upholstery buttons. And I've suffered unsightly stretched out holes ever since. Granted, I will miss the party trick of being able to stick my entire finger through my earlobes, or the chuckle I'd elicit when insisting that my three children were birthed through my earlobes.
But those jokes have grown stale, and I worry for my safety. I could easily get hung up on a branch or something. Irene is ready for a fresh young look!

The surgery will be performed in late fall. It is done by my dermatologist in her office with a local anaesthetic. My lobes will be filleted and then stitched neatly back up. After four weeks I may elect to have them repierced. But for four weeks post-op I will be wearing heavy bandages that look like ear muffs. I think that will be grand for substitute teaching. I am always looking for a way to muffle classroom noise.