Bringing Back A Seasonal Favorite...

Teenager as trick-or-treater
Does she think that I will feed her?
She menstruates, she dates a boy.
Far too old for Almond Joy.


(Enjoy the Halloween season.)

I Like "I Like You"

Try "I Like You" by Amy Sedaris. This book has much helpful advice, from gift ideas for a lumberjack to how to clean your vagina. It also is chock-full of delicious recipes. (But be sure to wash your vagina before you begin cooking!)

I wish I would have read this book before my high school reunion. I bet I would have smelled better.

FRIDAY THE 13TH

The agile monkey (my husband) has swung from his handyman branch to his hunting branch and is presently perched high atop a tree stand as I type this entry. He will be there until nightfall, and he will return again to his redneck perch at 5 a.m. tomorrow. Never mind I had a work deadline to meet this evening. Soccer practice to get one cowboy to. Three soccer games in the morning. Three soccer photos in the morning. And a wedding present to shop for and wrap. I guess I'll be up at 5 a.m. as well, simply to run the household, while his agile-monkeyness looks for viscious deer to slay. But am I bitter? Heck no.

At least I can say I had a fulfilling day chaperoning the third grade to Colonial Farm, a working tobacco farm in southern Maryland. The kids learned all about how to grow and dry their own tobacco! I can't wait to put those little tobacco seedlings in the ground come springtime! Truth be told, it was a fascinating trip, and I even received a round of applause and cheering on the bus ride home when I bravely picked up (yuck) a daddy long-legs spider who apparently wanted to make a break from the farm. I picked him up by one of his lengthy legs and tossed him out of the bus window onto 495. The children were so impressed!

I am waiting for more reunion photos before I post the details about that event. Suffice to say it was really very fun. Everyone looked better than I had secretly hoped they would. But other than that, it was all very good. As I've told several friends, I'm enjoying the fact that it is now over and I can let my teeth return to their normal shade of tan and also let all my facial hair grow back in.

Have a great weekend and enjoy those crisp fall temperatures!

Fundraiser not fun

If you have a child in school (or in girl scouts or in boy scouts or on any other number of organizations) you've been asked to participate in a fundraiser, selling useless crap from a catalog. Crap that no one really wants. Let's be honest.

Especially this year. Our school went with a different company this year that sells such junk. Ugly wrapping paper, tacky seasonal ornaments, other useless bric-a-brac. Blech.

But what needles me is not the quality of the products being sold; it's the way that the people in charge of the fundraiser try to get the kids all hyped up about the piece-of-shit prizes they can win if they sell x number of items. (See above photo.) Our school even offers a "Hum-V ride to McDonald's" to students who sell a large number of items. There are also prizes awarded to the classroom that earns the most money, like a pizza party or doughnuts, etc. This all coming from a school that almost disbanded chess club because it is "too competitive." Go figure.