Irene + Library = TLA

The library is one of my most favorite spots on earth. I can't get enough. The smell of a library book...I wish they'd bottle it. Perfume to my nose.

I patronize the library on a very regular basis. Now that I have kids, I check out dozens of books on any given trip. I respect the library and what it stands for. And my library account, until recently, has been in good standing. That is until my 8 year old misplaced his copy of "My Life as a Human Hockey Puck." Damn him!

Despite much time searching high and low for the paperback, I was forced to approach the librarian with the embarrassing news: I had lost a book. "Nonsense," she said, "I shall renew it for you and you'll see--it will turn up." You see? Even at my weakest moment, the library was there for me, supportive and kind. I felt a new spring in my step as I exited the door and headed home.

Alas, three weeks later, a very sullen Irene returned with her checkbook. The book, you see, was still amiss somewhere in this flea-ridden, shit-rolling hole of a house. The librarian gave me a sympathetic simper when she said, "$5.99, please." I handed over the check.

Well, friends, there is a happy ending to this sad tale because just yesterday as I was cleaning a closet, I found "My Life as a Human Hockey Puck"! It was a triumphant moment, but then I realized..."Hmmm. I've already paid for this crappy book." (It was a crappy book. My son didn't even like it enough to finish it.) "Do I have to keep it, or will the library issue me a refund?" Heck no, I thought. I'm sure what's done is done. Lifelong possession of that book is the price I pay for slovenly library patronship. My albatross, if you will.

So I was at the library today. (I had been courteously notified by email that a title I had on hold was ready and waiting for me to pick up.) I brought the heretofore lost book with me and inquired as to whether they issue refunds for books that had been "lost and purchased" but now were found. And you know what? They do! And they did! Remarkable.

I love the library, and you should too.